Pizza, positivity and perfect peace.

I haven’t written for a while. Why not? 

Life is busy and life is GOOD!

When I write this blog, I keep the personal details about my son out of it and focus on things from my perspective. He doesn’t even know about this blog and I know he would find it all a bit icky! It’s not that it’s a big secret but I really don’t think he’d be very interested. One day I might show him this blog and I would hate for him to be embarrassed or feel that I’d revealed too much about him. So, I keep personal details vague which can make it difficult to write.

With this in mind, what can I tell you about why we are going through this positive and peaceful period?

My boy has Type 1 diabetes but he has and is so many other things at the moment and my heart is bursting with pride! I love it when  his diabetes doesn’t follow me around like a cloud and is most definitely not the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning! Long may this last! 

So how is my boy doing?

He is going quite well at school. A bit of a cheeky chappy at times but I kinda like that, as it will be a character strength that serves him well going into the future. He was encouraged to apply for leadership positions for his senior year and is currently doing that. I don’t even care if he gets a role but his teachers saw something in him that demonstrated leadership.  I am so grateful for that! He was blown away to hear this praise from a couple of amazing male teachers who are top role models for young boys. None of them really know the work my son puts in, the 121 decisions he has to make about his diabetes every day (I’ve never forgotten reading that statistic), and they certainly don’t see him as a victim. My son is very private about his diabetes so only some very special teachers have had a glimpse into this other part of his world.

He has a girlfriend and I’m trying not to explode with happiness. She is all I’d dreamt that his first serious girlfriend would be. They are clearly besotted with each other and they are having fun. They laugh, giggle and talk so much. She is wanting to learn about his diabetes and asks lots of questions. I’m trying not to have a total mum crush on her as, in the House of Testosterone, some female company is just lovely.

He has a part-time job which he likes. He has moved from one fast food place to another one just across the road. This one is so much better. His diabetes was spoken about at the interview and was totally not an issue. It’s actually a permanent part time job which means he has rights! He will even get sick pay and holiday leave. Can you believe it?

We have emerged from quite a tough year! The first few months of the year were very scary for me, as his mum. I could see he was struggling with this whole diabetes gig and just wanted it to be gone. We are so lucky to have an amazing CDE and paediatrician who helped us through this.

My own health was up and down recently. I’d been experiencing some stomach issues which are now on their way to being fixed. I hadn’t realised how awful I’d been feeling until I started to feel better. Currently I’m being quite selfish and can often be found binging on a Netflix series or curled up with a book. I’m focusing on my health and currently thinking about fermenting vegetables and making bone broth to help my stomach heal. Whilst this does not fill me with joy, to balance it up, I’m enjoying coming up with new toppings for the pizzas which go in our newly installed pizza oven. 

So there you have it! I’m quietly celebrating this calm after the storm.

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Hello, I give you my son’s heart and his non functioning pancreas. Please treat both with care!


Hello, you don’t know me but I know that you know my boy. You two spend hours on snapchat and messenger chatting about who knows what. I know there have been face to face meetings too. I think it’s time we had a chat! 

Here is a little questionnaire I’d love you to complete. Don’t look alarmed! It’s all cool!

Part A) Stand on one foot and answer the following questions whilst hopping:

– 24 + 57 + 63 + 82, then divide by 2, then divide by 15. Got that? Good girl! 

– 29 + 81 + 12 + 75, then divide by 3, then divide by 15. Still going? Well done! You may proceed to Part B.

Part B) How deep a sleeper are you? How many hours sleep do you average and do you wake up to alarms? Please write your answer in the space provided below.

Part C) Do you prefer routine or have more of a devil may care attitude to life? Think back over the last week please and write down the times at which you ate breakfast, lunch and dinner?

Part D) Imagine you had a cute boyfriend. For easiness sake let’s call him ‘son of mumoftype1’! A bit of a mouthful, I know but bear with me please! Imagine this boy suddenly collapsed. Which number would you call? 

Part E) If this boy felt brave enough to tell you that he had a medical condition called Type 1 diabetes, how would you respond? Circle your preferred response.

– nod your head and ask a few simple questions.

– say “that’s what my best friend’s uncle had and he died.”

– run

Part F) If you have made it this far, you are a keeper and I ask only one thing of you. Please don’t break his heart! 

Times they are a changing as the song says! I am really enjoying seeing my boys turn into men but I have suddenly become aware of how important a role potential girlfriends may have. Excuse my tongue in cheek look at this! 

Diabetes Blog Week- Day 2 – Feeling Lucky

The Cost of a Chronic Illness – Tuesday 5/16  Insulin and other diabetes medications and supplies can be costly. Here in the US, insurance status and age (as in Medicare eligibility) can impact both the cost and coverage. So today, let’s discuss how cost impacts our diabetes care. Do you have advice to share? For those outside the US, is cost a concern? Are there other factors such as accessibility or education that cause barriers to your diabetes care?

I find it hard writing this post. We live in Australia and if I were to complain about the little things that annoy me I would sound pathetic. There are people in the world who do not have access to insulin. This is why charities like Spare a Rose are so important.

I know there is such an awful situation in the USA at the moment. I follow what is going on on Twitter and I feel sick for everyone there. The stress of not knowing if you will be able to afford insulin or the sacrifices that will need to be made must be very scary indeed.

I do not know the feeling of worrying about being able to afford insulin. My son has a healthcare card which gives him an even greater reduction on his insulin, meter strips etc for as long as he is a student. We have a supply drawer full of needles, meters, ketone strips, glucagon etc.

We have access to an amazing team locally who will see us as often as we need and are available via text and email when things go wrong. Our paediatrician is available and has a good knowledge of diabetes. We see a paediatric endocrinologist every six months. How lucky are we?

My son, if and when he wants to, can have a pump to use to manage his diabetes. We are lucky enough to be able to afford the private health care which would make this possible.

A recent bitter sweet victory was the funding of CGMs for under 21s. Why bitter sweet? It’s fantastic for under 21s but what are they expecting to happen when those kids who have become reliant on the CGM turn 21? A lottery win? What about adults managing their Type 1 diabetes? I can only imagine it must be very hard for them if they want a CGM and cannot afford the costs. We can only hope that this subsidy will be granted to all those with Type 1 diabetes.

We have access to great food and have jobs which mean we can eat well every day.

I know there may be others in Australia who may not feel so lucky. I can imagine our story would not match the experience of everyone here.

It is so sad that our experience is not that of all those who have diabetes. I only wish it were!

 

Diabetes Blog Week- Day 1

Diabetes and The Unexpected – Monday 5/15

Diabetes can sometimes seem to play by a rulebook that makes no sense, tossing out unexpected challenges at random. What are your best tips for being prepared when the unexpected happens? Or, take this topic another way and tell us about some good things diabetes has brought into your, or your loved one’s, life that you never could have expected? 

I’m going to tackle the latter part of today’s challenge! 

Context: My son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes three and a half years ago.

GOOD THINGS DIABETES HAS BROUGHT TO OUR LIVES

AN ABILITY TO DO MATHS– I really do suck at maths and my poor wee brain turns itself inside out doing calculations for new recipes. I find now that I can add carbs up in my head and divide them by the number of people eating the food with greater speed and accuracy. It does take my total concentration. If my husband comes across me in the kitchen with a furrowed brow and strange facial expression, he knows to leave me alone. I’m either counting carbs or doing my pelvic floor exercises! If I can ever master doing both things at the same time, I will let you know! 

A KICK ASS ATTITUDE – I used to worry about what people thought of me. Now? Not so much. I have taken a school principal and his deputy to task when my child was unsafe under their care. I know how to cut to the chase with an issue and I am afraid of no one when it comes to my children being safe. 

ACTING SKILLS – there are days when I am exhausted either from worrying about all the things mums stress over or have concerns about the added whammy of having a child with Type 1 diabetes thrown in. I work full time as a teacher and I do totally love my job but there are days when I’m exhausted and would rather stay home and binge on Netflix. I can’t so I slap on my makeup, and go to work. 

I know that my son has his own version of this. After a rocky night, he still gets up and goes to school and does his work. He must feel pretty crappy at times but he never lets it show. Sometimes we have a quiet hug before he goes out as I need him to know that I get it on some level. I may not have diabetes but I am his mum.

MULTITASKING I’ve become really good at faking total engagement in meetings and in class whilst being able to imagine where my child is, and what his blood glucose levels might be. You know what? I must be bloody good as no one has ever noticed and when there are less stressful moments, I can race through work related tasks with a speed and focus that I did not used to possess. My nodding at meetings is in all the correct places and, after over twenty years in this job, my classes don’t actually require my 100% attention.

My son is an expert mulitasker who can be heavily involved in a rugby game yet still read my frantic facial expressions from the side line that he needs to check his BGLs. He can quickly come across and do a check at half time without losing his concentration on the game. That is impressive.

GREATER COMPASSION-  It reminds me of when I was pregnant and I would get teary over ads on TV. I am hopeless when I see a family experiencing a difficult situation. It doesn’t need to be diabetes related. I could cry for the kids in my care who have extra challenges in their lives and I carry their stories with me and change how I deal with them and their families as a result.

This (Aretha Franklin I Say A Little Prayer)is my anthem as I’m looking in the mirror in the morning, getting my ‘game face’ on for the day ahead. 

I can see this in my three boys. They get that life can be tough for people for so many reasons and they are not quick to judge. This will be a great skill for them to carry forward into their adult lives. 

AN ABILITY TO FEEL LIKE YOU ARE FAILING REPEATEDLY YET NOT GIVE UP- I’m Scottish and I take my inspiration from Robert the Bruce ( here is the story) watching the spider in the cave. We chase the ever elusive perfect blood sugar levels. We very rarely get them in range for a whole day at the moment and yet every day I see my son get up and get on with life without ever complaining. 

We all try so hard to be perfect parents and diabetes has taught me that failure is ok! I cannot always meet the standards set, there is nothing to be learnt from this failure most of the time as diabetes does not acknowledge effort put in and yet we keep going and most of the time life is good. This, I think, is the most important of all.

Sitting with the sadness

Sometimes you just have to sit with the sadness.

My son has had type 1 diabetes for over three years. It has become part of what we do: an annoying interloper whose demands have to be satisfied at every turn but mainly we muddle along quite nicely.

Recently though, I have felt a real sadness settle over me. I’d been ignoring it. Life is busy so it’s not hard to keep on moving. Three kids, work, we all know some version of the routine.

Holidays are here now and it cannot be outrun any more. Tears have been a secret companion in the last couple of weeks and often for no apparent reason. So over the last few of days, I’ve not run away from how I feel. I’ve cried my tears and sat with my sadness and through that, I seem to have figured out why I feel like I do.

The baby that I had, that I fed, whose nappies I changed and for whom I had dreams and hopes, is turning into a man. I need to grieve that this adulthood which he is entering is not quite the one I had imagined. I know it’s not all doom and gloom and my mission every single day is to make sure that diabetes does not dominate. I didn’t, however,  think about how it must be horribly normal to go through the feelings of grief that a parent has at diagnosis at later times too.

Recently lots of things have been changing. It’s all the normal stuff : school exams, learning to drive, moving over to winter sports, going out more with friends, girls, work. My son is amazing and does not hold back on anything, which is exactly how a teenager should be. My job in the background is to figure out  how all this can be done and often this can involve emails to our fabulous educator (to adjust insulin doses)  or to the not so fabulous school ( to query diabetes provisions for senior exams or try to organise for the DE to talk to staff). I try to be discreet and not in my son’s face. I know he thinks about his diabetes too so I don’t want to add my concerns to any he may have. 

As his big brother is heading towards the end of his high school education, we are helping him plan what he may want to do. A deposit for schoolies (a horrid Aussie tradition, in my opinion) has been paid from his savings and university open days will be visited in the upcoming months. This is what has forced my brain to consider the options for my second son, the one with Type 1 diabetes, who will have all these decisions to make next year. 

I could vomit at the thought of him taking off to schoolies for a week. The temptations, in all their shapes and forms, are huge there. Then what about uni?  We do have a local uni but why shouldn’t he go off and experience the fun and independence of undergrad life: freshers week, juggling a part time job with uni, sleeping in shared accommodation, etc. My mind has been racing ahead in a way that I have until now managed not to do. Taking on one thing at a time has got us through these last three years so I need to stop worrying and live life now. The future will come soon enough.

Now that I know why I am feeling like this, the tears have stopped. I’ve gone back to doing what I did when my son was first diagnosed. 

I’ve been walking and thanks to a new family subscription to Apple Music, I have the funkiest playlist which I play at top volume as I pound the streets. These cool sounds and the incessant beat of the tunes of my youth, with a few modern numbers added in by my kids to keep me up to date, do not allow my brain to worry. 

The Smiling Mind app on my phone has been used every day and the breathing exercises and focus on mindfulness are really helping me regroup.

Last night, I was feeling a bit low after a successful but tiring camping trip. Connecting with others who understand about diabetes felt like the right thing to do and a pleasant hour was spent with the amazing people on #OzDoc on Twitter (always there on Tuesday evening from 8.30pm, please do come and join in). I’m so glad I did. I needed to be amongst adults who had survived those years and who, despite issues they may have, are living good lives. 

I’ve sat with my sadness and I’ve looked it straight in the eye and I’m fine.

Celebrating being average!


I am average, my kids are average, most of my life is fairly average and I commit to celebrating this! We need to celebrate the average! Why is being average frowned upon and overlooked when that is what most of us are? This is my own personal protest cry for common humanity! 

I have three fantastic kids who are average and I am not ashamed of that. I hold my head up high and I love them with every ounce of my being. They go to school and do all their work, they play multiple sports, they have friends and people tell me they are lovely, polite boys. Why should I be made to feel that this is not enough? 

There is such pressure on our children to excel at everything or at the very least at something. Why are we not content to be what we are?  I see friends putting their primary school aged kids into tutoring to try and pull up their grades. These kids do their regular homework, then plough through the revision sheets issued by tutors. Their haunted little faces pain me as they are drilled to within an inch of their lives and have such high expectations put upon them to always do better. What skill set do they need to have for their future lives? Are they going to be astrophysicists or elite athletes? Why do we always seem to demand more and more of our children when they are already giving us their best effort but the results are ‘only’ average?

I certainly do not mean that kids should not excel. If your kid is in the gifted and talented category, good on them but for the love of God, please stop dropping that into the conversation! I get it you are proud and so you should be but I am equally as proud of my three children. I have tried to help each of my boys find something they can be passionate about. For them it is sport, in various shapes and sizes. 

I have decided to withdraw from this pressure! It feels so liberating but it is hard and I do need to keep myself in constant check. 

What caused me to rethink? 

Three years ago, my middle boy was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. His life and our lives changed and numbers took on a far more significant role. Every day, my son checks his blood glucose levels multiple times, we calculate the number of carbs he is going to eat and from that the insulin dose he injects is calculated. He is growing and is very sporty so these calculations are constantly changed and modified in order to try to keep his levels in the sweet 4 to 8 mmol (72mg-144mg) range. Every three months an average is taken and we find out the results of the all important HbA1c. I’m sure many people (and/or their parents) with Type 1 Diabetes would acknowledge a certain nervousness when they are about to get this magic number. 

The night before this result is given, I feel sick and cannnot help but think back over the previous three months. We try so hard to keep those blood glucose levels in range, but real life gets in the way. Sport, illness and being human all interfere and I lie in bed picturing a big  zig zag with high highs and low lows. My son tries his hardest and so do we as his support team. It doesn’t matter what that number is, there is nothing we could have done differently.

When school reports arrive in the middle of a life full of numbers, it really makes me think. Don’t the same things, sport, illness and being human, impact on these school results? Yes they do and so I commit to stressing less about grades and results and as long as we are all trying as hard as we can most of the time then that is absolutely good enough!

I am an insulin pen

I am no ordinary pen.
My story is written in the veins of those whom I save every day.
There is no ink in me.
I push insulin through my nib into the flesh of those who need me.
Hands grasp me, dial up the dose required and plunge me into their flesh,
Multiple times of every day of every week of every year.
My needle pierces the skin, bringing a sting of pain.
Some consider me inferior, as technology could easily replace me
Yet
I am loved by many for my lack of intrusiveness and for the comfort of knowing that I will never let them down.
I have hidden strength in my little vial and never forget this.
Treat me with disdain and I can take you down.
Love me, handle me with care and attention.
Because of me, people lead lives both ordinary and amazing.
This is the gift I give.
The rest is up to you.