The Boy and the Egg pull some moves!

So here we have it. Remember The boy and the Egg? I wrote this not long after my son was diagnosed. He spent his 13th birthday in hospital a couple of days after his diagnosis. How times have changed! And how they’ve stayed the same!

So here we are over four years post diagnosis. How is my boy and how is that Egg? I’m so pleased to report that both are intact! Initially the worry was how my boy could play sport, navigate school, hang out with friends and still manage to take care of the Egg.

These days, the Egg goes on dates. Through what I can only imagine are passionate embraces, the Egg has not been smashed. The Egg has also been there when a heart was broken. Not my boy’s, but an amazing young woman who was his first serious girlfriend! He had sat with the Egg in his hands as he tried to think over how to be diplomatic and delicate in ending this relationship. The Egg lost a fierce protector when the relationship ended but having someone to share the Egg with is not enough of a reason in itself to keep a relationship going. (Note to self, as the mother of three boys, do not fall in love with your son’s girlfriends!)

The Egg is a frequent attender of parties where my boy can hold a beer in one hand and the Egg in the other and can apparently pull some dance moves at the same time. How amazing and terrifying is that? In order for this to happen, we had to have some Egg and Alcohol sessions at home. We gradually increased the number of beers my boy had over the course of a few weeks, making sure he held on to the Egg and never left it where it could be smashed. We checked frequently throughout the night that he hadn’t rolled on it and smashed it and so far so good! We have had to be totally realistic about alcohol. We are living in the real world and facing the challenges in a way that reflects the reality of our boy’s life.

Driving with the Egg on the dashboard presents a few challenges. Keeping an eye on it and the road can be hard, especially when you are a learner and you have a parent there with you, trying to explain what to do. My boy has recently moved from an automatic to a manual car and those gear changes certainly increase the adrenalin and those kangaroo jumps can be scary and are accompanied by pleas from my boy that I stop swearing.

Working in a fast food outlet with an Egg in his pocket has been interesting. Finding a part time job that is permanent , rather than casual, has meant that employers have had to acknowledge the existence of the Egg. They have been offered the chance to be trained in Egg Preservation but it hasn’t been needed so far. The main thing is that my boy can take that Egg out of his pocket if he needs to as it isn’t a secret. He can take time out on a shift and make sure it’s alright. He gets holiday pay and sick pay which is an incredible thing at this age and offsets the lower hourly rate.

We live in the country and many of my boy’s friends live in other towns and villages which are not necessarily close by. This means he has days and nights away and as he has expanded his social circle it means the we do not necessarily know the families of these friends. Trust and honesty have never been as crucial. We have a little kit bag which serves as a nest for the Egg. When he goes off, my boy packs it full of everything he may possibly need for a couple of days and promises to text us regularly. He knows, if he has a big day or evening, that he’ll need to wake up during the night and check on the Egg.

Our boy has realised this summer that having the tiresome responsibility of the Egg does not preclude him from all normal activities. He has taken on a more active role in looking after the Egg. We are still there as the Egg Support Squad in the background but as he gets ready to finish his last year at school and move on to a big exciting future, I feel like he has the world at his feet and a good grip on that Egg!

Hello, I give you my son’s heart and his non functioning pancreas. Please treat both with care!


Hello, you don’t know me but I know that you know my boy. You two spend hours on snapchat and messenger chatting about who knows what. I know there have been face to face meetings too. I think it’s time we had a chat! 

Here is a little questionnaire I’d love you to complete. Don’t look alarmed! It’s all cool!

Part A) Stand on one foot and answer the following questions whilst hopping:

– 24 + 57 + 63 + 82, then divide by 2, then divide by 15. Got that? Good girl! 

– 29 + 81 + 12 + 75, then divide by 3, then divide by 15. Still going? Well done! You may proceed to Part B.

Part B) How deep a sleeper are you? How many hours sleep do you average and do you wake up to alarms? Please write your answer in the space provided below.

Part C) Do you prefer routine or have more of a devil may care attitude to life? Think back over the last week please and write down the times at which you ate breakfast, lunch and dinner?

Part D) Imagine you had a cute boyfriend. For easiness sake let’s call him ‘son of mumoftype1’! A bit of a mouthful, I know but bear with me please! Imagine this boy suddenly collapsed. Which number would you call? 

Part E) If this boy felt brave enough to tell you that he had a medical condition called Type 1 diabetes, how would you respond? Circle your preferred response.

– nod your head and ask a few simple questions.

– say “that’s what my best friend’s uncle had and he died.”

– run

Part F) If you have made it this far, you are a keeper and I ask only one thing of you. Please don’t break his heart! 

Times they are a changing as the song says! I am really enjoying seeing my boys turn into men but I have suddenly become aware of how important a role potential girlfriends may have. Excuse my tongue in cheek look at this! 

Diabetes Blog Week- Day 2 – Feeling Lucky

The Cost of a Chronic Illness – Tuesday 5/16  Insulin and other diabetes medications and supplies can be costly. Here in the US, insurance status and age (as in Medicare eligibility) can impact both the cost and coverage. So today, let’s discuss how cost impacts our diabetes care. Do you have advice to share? For those outside the US, is cost a concern? Are there other factors such as accessibility or education that cause barriers to your diabetes care?

I find it hard writing this post. We live in Australia and if I were to complain about the little things that annoy me I would sound pathetic. There are people in the world who do not have access to insulin. This is why charities like Spare a Rose are so important.

I know there is such an awful situation in the USA at the moment. I follow what is going on on Twitter and I feel sick for everyone there. The stress of not knowing if you will be able to afford insulin or the sacrifices that will need to be made must be very scary indeed.

I do not know the feeling of worrying about being able to afford insulin. My son has a healthcare card which gives him an even greater reduction on his insulin, meter strips etc for as long as he is a student. We have a supply drawer full of needles, meters, ketone strips, glucagon etc.

My son, if and when he wants to, can have a pump to use to manage his diabetes. We are lucky enough to be able to afford the private health care which would make this possible.

A recent bitter sweet victory was the funding of CGMs for under 21s. Why bitter sweet? It’s fantastic for under 21s but what are they expecting to happen when those kids who have become reliant on the CGM turn 21? A lottery win? What about adults managing their Type 1 diabetes? I can only imagine it must be very hard for them if they want a CGM and cannot afford the costs. We can only hope that this subsidy will be granted to all those with Type 1 diabetes.

We have access to great food and have jobs which mean we can eat well every day.

I know there may be others in Australia who may not feel so lucky. I can imagine our story would not match the experience of everyone here.

It is so sad that our experience is not that of all those who have diabetes. I only wish it were!

Diabetes Blog Week- Day 1

Diabetes and The Unexpected – Monday 5/15

Diabetes can sometimes seem to play by a rulebook that makes no sense, tossing out unexpected challenges at random. What are your best tips for being prepared when the unexpected happens? Or, take this topic another way and tell us about some good things diabetes has brought into your, or your loved one’s, life that you never could have expected? 

I’m going to tackle the latter part of today’s challenge! 

Context: My son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes three and a half years ago.

GOOD THINGS DIABETES HAS BROUGHT TO OUR LIVES

AN ABILITY TO DO MATHS– I really do suck at maths and my poor wee brain turns itself inside out doing calculations for new recipes. I find now that I can add carbs up in my head and divide them by the number of people eating the food with greater speed and accuracy. It does take my total concentration. If my husband comes across me in the kitchen with a furrowed brow and strange facial expression, he knows to leave me alone. I’m either counting carbs or doing my pelvic floor exercises! If I can ever master doing both things at the same time, I will let you know! 

A KICK ASS ATTITUDE – I used to worry about what people thought of me. Now? Not so much. I have taken a school principal and his deputy to task when my child was unsafe under their care. I know how to cut to the chase with an issue and I am afraid of no one when it comes to my children being safe. 

ACTING SKILLS – there are days when I am exhausted either from worrying about all the things mums stress over or have concerns about the added whammy of having a child with Type 1 diabetes thrown in. I work full time as a teacher and I do totally love my job but there are days when I’m exhausted and would rather stay home and binge on Netflix. I can’t so I slap on my makeup, and go to work. 

I know that my son has his own version of this. After a rocky night, he still gets up and goes to school and does his work. He must feel pretty crappy at times but he never lets it show. Sometimes we have a quiet hug before he goes out as I need him to know that I get it on some level. I may not have diabetes but I am his mum.

MULTITASKING I’ve become really good at faking total engagement in meetings and in class whilst being able to imagine where my child is, and what his blood glucose levels might be. You know what? I must be bloody good as no one has ever noticed and when there are less stressful moments, I can race through work related tasks with a speed and focus that I did not used to possess. My nodding at meetings is in all the correct places and, after over twenty years in this job, my classes don’t actually require my 100% attention.

My son is an expert mulitasker who can be heavily involved in a rugby game yet still read my frantic facial expressions from the side line that he needs to check his BGLs. He can quickly come across and do a check at half time without losing his concentration on the game. That is impressive.

GREATER COMPASSION-  It reminds me of when I was pregnant and I would get teary over ads on TV. I am hopeless when I see a family experiencing a difficult situation. It doesn’t need to be diabetes related. I could cry for the kids in my care who have extra challenges in their lives and I carry their stories with me and change how I deal with them and their families as a result.

This (Aretha Franklin I Say A Little Prayer)is my anthem as I’m looking in the mirror in the morning, getting my ‘game face’ on for the day ahead. 

I can see this in my three boys. They get that life can be tough for people for so many reasons and they are not quick to judge. This will be a great skill for them to carry forward into their adult lives. 

AN ABILITY TO FEEL LIKE YOU ARE FAILING REPEATEDLY YET NOT GIVE UP- I’m Scottish and I take my inspiration from Robert the Bruce ( here is the story) watching the spider in the cave. We chase the ever elusive perfect blood sugar levels. We very rarely get them in range for a whole day at the moment and yet every day I see my son get up and get on with life without ever complaining. 

We all try so hard to be perfect parents and diabetes has taught me that failure is ok! I cannot always meet the standards set, there is nothing to be learnt from this failure most of the time as diabetes does not acknowledge effort put in and yet we keep going and most of the time life is good. This, I think, is the most important of all.

Celebrating being average!


I am average, my kids are average, most of my life is fairly average and I commit to celebrating this! We need to celebrate the average! Why is being average frowned upon and overlooked when that is what most of us are? This is my own personal protest cry for common humanity! 

I have three fantastic kids who are average and I am not ashamed of that. I hold my head up high and I love them with every ounce of my being. They go to school and do all their work, they play multiple sports, they have friends and people tell me they are lovely, polite boys. Why should I be made to feel that this is not enough? 

There is such pressure on our children to excel at everything or at the very least at something. Why are we not content to be what we are?  I see friends putting their primary school aged kids into tutoring to try and pull up their grades. These kids do their regular homework, then plough through the revision sheets issued by tutors. Their haunted little faces pain me as they are drilled to within an inch of their lives and have such high expectations put upon them to always do better. What skill set do they need to have for their future lives? Are they going to be astrophysicists or elite athletes? Why do we always seem to demand more and more of our children when they are already giving us their best effort but the results are ‘only’ average?

I certainly do not mean that kids should not excel. If your kid is in the gifted and talented category, good on them but for the love of God, please stop dropping that into the conversation! I get it you are proud and so you should be but I am equally as proud of my three children. I have tried to help each of my boys find something they can be passionate about. For them it is sport, in various shapes and sizes. 

I have decided to withdraw from this pressure! It feels so liberating but it is hard and I do need to keep myself in constant check. 

What caused me to rethink? 

Three years ago, my middle boy was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. His life and our lives changed and numbers took on a far more significant role. Every day, my son checks his blood glucose levels multiple times, we calculate the number of carbs he is going to eat and from that the insulin dose he injects is calculated. He is growing and is very sporty so these calculations are constantly changed and modified in order to try to keep his levels in the sweet 4 to 8 mmol (72mg-144mg) range. Every three months an average is taken and we find out the results of the all important HbA1c. I’m sure many people (and/or their parents) with Type 1 Diabetes would acknowledge a certain nervousness when they are about to get this magic number. 

The night before this result is given, I feel sick and cannnot help but think back over the previous three months. We try so hard to keep those blood glucose levels in range, but real life gets in the way. Sport, illness and being human all interfere and I lie in bed picturing a big  zig zag with high highs and low lows. My son tries his hardest and so do we as his support team. It doesn’t matter what that number is, there is nothing we could have done differently.

When school reports arrive in the middle of a life full of numbers, it really makes me think. Don’t the same things, sport, illness and being human, impact on these school results? Yes they do and so I commit to stressing less about grades and results and as long as we are all trying as hard as we can most of the time then that is absolutely good enough!

King of the Road

Our eldest two boys are only 17 months apart in age. It’s almost like having twins. 

We live in New South Wales, Australia. When you learn to drive here, you firstly do a computer based theory test to make sure you have the knowledge of the rules of the road. You can do this as soon as you turn 16, get your Learner licence then you have the minimum of a year in which to do 120 hours of driving practise. Once you have turned 17 and have done  your 120 hours, you can sit your practical test in a car with an examiner and then you gain your P plates which allow you to drive alone (with some other restrictions on speed, passengers and alcohol consumption thrown in to keep you safe). Got that?

Our eldest got his Ps last year and has now gained the nickname Über. After surviving 120 hours in the car with him, he owes his loving parents a few lifts here and there.

Onto number two child, with the added complication of Type 1 Diabetes thrown in. 

Number 1: 

Getting your L’s – a letter is required from an endocrinologist or paediatrician. A sight test is needed here and, from what I can understand, this letter basically lets the authorities know that the person has controlled diabetes. From what I’ve understood, this letter is required to be submitted every year. How and where I have yet to figure out.

Number 2:

Working out the rules around driving with Type 1 diabetes. You would assume that the Roads and Maritime Services who issue the Learner’s licence would be able to tell you that. Wrong! After googling myself into a zombie like state #OzDoc came to the rescue. Serendipity is a wonderful thing as the topic on the Tuesday night #OzDoc twitter chat was driving. I was given advice on how to help my son with hypos and driving, the documents we needed to read and so much more. How amazing is it to be in rural NSW where you don’t really know anyone else with Type 1 diabetes and be able to quickly get the advice you need to help your child.

Number 3: 

Navigating the numbers. The first couple of hours of practise went well. My boy is a natural and unlike the first few outings with his big brother, I did not swear once!  It’s been so lovely to spend one on one time with him driving around our beautiful area, whilst chatting. When it came to the third time going out, he checked his BGL and was 4.8. What to have? 

There was no advice quickly available online about how to get that level up to 5.0 without pushing it too high in the other direction. A fast acting hypo treatment seems to go against all we had ever done, given that this 4.8 was in the lovely normal range. I puzzled over this then asked on twitter what to do. Several lovely tweets with suggestions came back and from those, my son’s preference is to have a freddo frog. Good choice!

The next day was accompanied with an unexpected hypo just as we were about to go out. Things suddenly felt more complicated. Have a hypo treatment, wait till the level comes up to 5.0 then wait half an hour and check again. This took 45 minutes and the window of opportunity to drive had closed.

Number 4:

Finding a sympathetic driving instructor. Actually, this turned out not to be such a hard thing. We had used this instructor for our eldest child and knew he was a good man. I sent him a text to book in our second son and let him know he had Type 1 diabetes. I sent him the link to the NDSS document ‘Above 5 to Drive’. 

A short while later, I received this text: ‘Had a read of the link and thanks for the info . I will take care of him and tell him to always say if there’s a problem. And if he ever needs to cancel, even if I’m at the house, it’s all good with me and tell him never worry 😊’. Wow, wow and wow! Imagine a world where this was the normal reaction to Type 1 Diabetes.

Ok, 4 hours done, 116 to go!

Heroes can be gloriously everyday and wonderfully ordinary

Today I read the following blog from Insulin Nation. It really made me think, as this great site so often does. Have a click and see what you think. I love articles like this which make me question what I do. This article, from what I understand, discusses the idea of diabetes heroes and conquering warriors and how these images may have a negative impact on those who struggle with this condition.

From my perspective, it all comes down to how you define a hero.

The success of  beyond type 1 all across the globe, and in particular their Instagram campaign,  highlight the need for everyday heroes. It fills me with joy to read about all the people who have Type 1 and the things they do. These are people with whom I can often identify. I see my son in many of them and I love it! 

I am the parent of a 16 year old boy with diabetes. It is complex raising a child with Type 1 diabetes. Our aim has always been that diabetes would not stop my son doing anything. I honestly do not believe that his diabetes has stopped him doing any thing. That is what I believe is heroic.  I need my boy to see the length and breadth of his future and the endless possibilities which are open to him. It’s my job to sweat the nitty gritty of how this will be done and work with him and our team to figure out a way. He has days when he feels awful, when no matter what he does, however carefully he counts his carbs and measures his insulin doses, things just do not go his way. He does not dwell on these so neither do I. 

I don’t need to see elite athletes or super stars doing things, although it does give me a weird thrill when I find out that someone famous has Type 1 diabetes. James Norton, the extremely gorgeous actor from Granchester is one example.

Being heroic for me doesn’t not mean that my son conquers Type 1 Diabetes: it means that he lives a full and happy life despite having this condition. 

Being heroic means accepting the shit that goes along with this and doing what you need to do. No one is a loser if this doesn’t always go smoothly. Getting through two hypos and getting yourself out in the garden to smash your brothers at cricket is the example I am looking at through the window as I type.

Being heroic means feeling scared, knowing all the negatives that the media constantly presents and keeping going despite this knowledge. 

Being heroic doesn’t need to be big and amazing. It can be gloriously everyday and wonderfully ordinary. That’s what makes it beautiful! 

Veni, Vidi, Lusi, Vici 


Veni, Vidi, Lusi , Vici- I came, I saw, I played, I won!

 If my son had a Latin motto it would be this! Julius Caesar take a back seat! 

There is none so fierce as a 16 year old boy determined to play cricket like a pro.  A flight was taken to another time zone.  Night time lows and day time highs were navigated with unintrusive help. Carbs were counted pretty successfully. The results of each game (read ‘battle’) were dissected on the side of the field.  Whilst cricketing tactics were openly discussed, my boy waged a silent campaign.  

He fought off heat, then cold. He made intricate decisions based on activity levels. The war, however, was not won by type 1 diabetes. My boy owned his diabetes and he dominated it!   He took a big step towards independence. The team performed well in a tough pool but the actual results of the games don’t really matter as the real victor is safely tucked up in his bed, back home with us, smiling to himself and reliving  moments of glory on the field.

Letters of hope

I need to give thanks and be grateful. I need to repay some of the kindness shown to us by the local community. After thinking long and hard about how to do this, I decided to make up care packs for the families of children newly diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes in our area. These will be given to the diabetes clinic for them to distribute. They average around fifteen diagnosis a year in this country hospital so it is manageable.

I’ve got:

A lovely calico tote bag – useful for carrying all the bits and pieces, such as log books, and spare meters which are needed at clinic and endo appointments.

A hardback notebook- useful as a journal, to write down carb counts for recipes or list the many questions needing to be asked in the early days or even to throw at walls.

A decent pen- who doesn’t like a nice pen?

A symbol of hope or love- just to let people know they are not alone .

Letters of Hope – totally the most important inclusion. To be printed out on nice paper and put in a fancy envelope.  Messages sent  via twitter to many of the amazing people I have come in contact with through #OzDoc and other people who have blogs about their own or their child’s diabetes, have resulted in quite a few offers to contribute Letters of Hope. I feel so lucky to have met these people and I know their contributions will really make a difference to newly diagnosed children and their families.

Writing my own Letter of Hope was such a positive and affirming experience for me and if it helps just one person then I will be happy. Here is my letter.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Hi!

How are you? Silly question, isn’t it? Your child has been diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. Do you feel exhausted? Are you wondering what your life and the life of your child and family will be like from here on in?

I understand! Not many people will get what you are feeling right now but I have a bit of an idea as my child was also diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. I sat in hospital almost three years ago and could not get my head around my son’s diagnosis of Type 1 diabetes.

It does get better and you will survive, please know that! You need to be so strong now and that is hard. Your child will no doubt be looking at you for cues on how to react. Please try to keep it together in front of them. I shed quite a few tears in the Parents’ Room but I really tried my best to keep my act together in front of my son. Right now you are all in this together, learning about insulin, carb counting and trying to get your heads around your new reality. You will learn lots and you will get there!

I have a really vivid memory of being told to fit diabetes into our lives and not the other way around. I have kept this in my head now for almost three years. When my son asks me if he can do something, I ask myself if I would have let him do it if he didn’t have diabetes.

I can honestly say there is nothing he hasn’t done because of his diabetes. He plays multiple sports, he now has a part-time job, he has had sleepovers at friends’ houses, and he has gone on school camps. I would never have believed any of this was possible but it has been and he has enjoyed every single thing he has done.

How have we done this? Since diagnosis, we have worked with the diabetes educator to figure out how to make it happen. It hasn’t always been smooth sailing with the school but I have learned not to give up. I am polite but insistent and just keep asking until it happens. Be kind to other people who don’t get it but when it comes to the rights of your child, the school has a duty of care. The real world, after school, will come soon enough but in the meantime, you need to pull up your big girl or boy pants and stand up for your child. Lots of teachers are fantastic and open to learning. It’s not all bad!

As we have progressed through the years, my son has taken on more and more of the responsibility of his diabetes but I am there in the background, checking how things are going and asking a few, sometimes annoying, questions. He is a teenager; he does make mistakes but I never blame him as I don’t want to lose his trust. We talk about numbers and try to figure out why they might sometimes be too high or too low then we try to fix it. When I first see him after school, despite an almost overwhelming desire to find out what his levels were all day, I ask him about all the other stuff in his life. We keep his diabetes kit on the kitchen bench so I will look at his meter later or ask him about his levels as we get ready for dinner.

Language is weirdly important to me. To me it’s clear that my son ‘has’ diabetes, he isn’t a diabetic. He doesn’t ‘suffer’ from diabetes, he thrives despite it! I try to talking about ‘checking’ his blood rather than ‘testing’ it. It’s not a pass or fail! These are small things but they give me perspective and take the blaming away.

Accepting imperfection is a big part of the deal too! You can have the same set of circumstances two days in a row and get two entirely different results. Don’t torture yourself about that. Life should go on, don’t stop doing things (unless of course the blood glucose levels are really high or low) but do get help from your diabetes team. We have had crazy days with bumpy BGLs but nothing has gone wrong: school is still attended, homework is still done (yeh, it’s a bummer in my house, a chronic condition still doesn’t get you out of doing homework), friends come still around, sport is still played and still no hospital admissions for diabetes.

In the midst of the madness, take care of yourself. You are still an important person in your own right and, as much as it can seem the opposite, you are not defined by your child’s diabetes. I go for walks. It’s free, can be done at any time and as much as I have to force myself, I always feel better afterwards. Initially I had to force myself to go and have fun. I thought I’d never have more than one glass of wine ever again. How could I leave my child to go and do something for myself? Eventually, I did go out, I may even have had two glasses of bubbles and guess what? My son survived and barely noticed my absence.

Not everyone will understand what you are going through. Even your closest family and friends will not get it at times. That feels really hard as your child’s diabetes is dominating your every thought at the start. Over time, I probably did lose a few friends but the friendships I have now are stronger and it was probably better that I didn’t head butt the friend who kept saying, ‘Well, at least it’s not cancer!’. Safe to say, we no longer hang out as much! Saying that, I didn’t know much at all about diabetes before my son’s diagnosis so I try to keep that in mind when people say silly things and downplay the reality of diabetes.

Diabetes is an invisible disease and your child looks horribly normal and so do you! You will become like an elite synchronised swimmer: all smiles above the water but a frenzy of activity below. That’s the gig! Eventually the smile will be real. You will all have fun, you will most likely become a nicer, kinder, more understanding person and so will the rest of your family. In the mean time just keep paddling your legs!

Know too that as you go through what you are doing, there is a whole community of people, young and old, out there who are doing the same things. You might never meet us but we are out there, fighting the good fight, staying strong for ourselves and our kids and turning these heroes into amazing adults with fantastic futures ahead of them!

……………………………………………………………………………………………………….

If you would like to send me you Letter of Hope, please leave a message and I will get back to you.

 

That boy and the egg is growing up.

The boy and the egg
Is growing up
He now carries his precious egg to a part time job.
He didn’t tell of his egg’s existence on his application as he doesn’t feel it is a disability.
Time has moved on.
He hasn’t felt brave enough to show anyone his egg.
I worry that he finds it a burden and is embarrassed by its presence.
I fear he may not find compassion and understanding when he is brave enough to show it to others.
What if he is rejected?
Not telling them about the egg is equally terrifying.
It’s real and it exists and if it cracks one day,
People need to know.
Yet and still,
It hasn’t cracked.
It isn’t broken.
He continues to live the length and breadth of his life.
And me?
I need him to be safe but
I want him to be his own man,
To find his own way.