The appointment

 

 Another three months have passed and here we are again. I say ‘we’ because even although I don’t have Type 1 Diabetes, I feel like the result of the hba1c and the conversations which follow are my responsibility, along with my child’s.

I was always a conscientious student, preparing well in advance for all exams, making notes, and colour-coding summaries. My ‘leave it to the last minute’ friends used to laugh at me but I didn’t care: I liked the feeling of being as ready as I could be and leaving nothing to chance.

A few months into this Type 1 game, I realised that the outcome of the hba1c might not bear any relationship to the effort I put in. My ability to count carbs, the low GI snacks lovingly prepared, the sports my son does regularly for fun and fitness were no match for hitting puberty. There would always be something pitted against us.

I haven’t transferred my stress to my boy. He is unaware of the jitters I feel every three months. For him it’s about the treat he gets for afternoon tea. Sometimes there’s an early pick up from school and he feels really lucky if we are given an appointment in the middle of the day as he gets the day off. Still, he doesn’t like these appointments where he is thrust centre stage: weighed,  prodded in the tummy, and asked questions. We do not have many ‘diabetes conversations’ in our house. We are too busy living our lives and diabetes slots in to that.

The numbers are good but I can’t help but think “this time”. I want him to be always under that magic number 7 but more than that , I want him to know how to cope when he’s not.

The team who are behind us are wonderful. They support us, without judgement, offering their wisdom and I know they care about us. I wish my connection to them was other than this.

There is sadness for me at the end of these days. I never know why. There’s a weariness in my bones. There’s no escape for my boy and today this makes me sad.

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3 thoughts on “The appointment

  1. Thanks so much for sharing. I have always felt the same way – diabetes fits into my life, but its certainly not my whole story. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m confident that once you and your boy get past your initial adjustment period (mine was about 1-2 years after being diagnosed), you begin to feel more comfortable with diabetes. Just remember that it naturally takes time and patience, and many people live normal, healthy lives with diabetes. From what you’ve described, you have the right approach that will ensure your son will live a healthy life 🙂

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    1. Thanks so much for taking the time to write this comment. I’ve just discovered this online blogging and have thrown my hat in. Your blog inspires me for my son’s future!

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      1. My pleasure! Yeah, blogging sure does take time to get your head around hey? I really enjoyed your insights, particularly because I don’t know a lot about type 1 in young children. Trust me, your son will have a bright future ahead of him 🙂

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